Thursday, May 14, 2009

From Nina Douala

The Scam Letter

From: Nina Douala <>
Subject: From Nina Douala
Date: May 14, 2009 5:35:48 AM PDT

Dear One,

Good day I am Nina Douala.

So, is this a secret deal, Nina? I noticed you are using the e-mail address of Sandra Konne "110" in Japan, and that you have secured other Yahoo addresses in Japan, also, like that of some gal named Nina. I also notice you are sending this e-mail not only to me, but also to yourself. I am getting back to you, and suggest you also get back to yourself. I'm just trying to keep things tidy, yet can't help but notice this has all the markings of a secret mission.

Don't worry. I get it. This is secret... And you and I? — we're cool.

From Abidjan Cote d'ivoire, I wish to request for your urgent assistance in my investment plans in your base

How did you know I had a base? Your people are good. I have had a secret base on my Montana property for only a year or so... I thought it was well hidden, but maybe your people want to invest money with me to make it better hidden?

I could use the money. Do you know what I grow?

I am calling in respect of the transfer of money ($6.500,000) Six Million Five houndred thousand

Ha! I do that all the time. "Houndred thousand," "forty for" and "sebbendy sebben" are all easy mistakes to make. And I always get eleventeen mixed up with the number that comes before twelb...

united states dollars

Ummm... isn't that supposed to be capitalized?

only deposit in the bank by my late Father Mr Joseph Douala who was a wealthy Cocoa Merchant here in Ivory Coast.

I don't mean to sound like I doubt you, but how did your late father deposit the money if he was 'late?' Around here that means 'dead' and dead folk don't get around to the bank so often, given their condition.

I wish to invest this money in manufacturing and real estate management in your base,

Did we get our wires crossed somehow? I grow illegal herbs on a large property in the mountains of Montana, mostly covered with fishnet and leaves, and other forms of camo. Now if you want to invest in my 'product' then you need to address all your inquiries to my boss in Columbia, Juan Valdez who has a donkey, and they both like coffee.

this is because I inheritated an important sum from my late father who died in recent political crisis in Cote d'Ivoire here.

Cote d'Ivoire? I thought you said you were from the Ivory Coast. Make up your mind. Do I look stupid to you?

And another thing, $6,500,500 is not an 'important' sum of money. It's a frickin' boatload. Holy Moly! Do you know who I am? That's more than I make in a week!

Before the death of my father he informed me near his hospital bed at chu-teaching hospital, that he has saved the in one of the bank here in cote d'Ivoire with my name, and I have made every inquired to confirm the existence of the deposit.

Well, I am no doctor, but it sounds as though, since your father was in such bad condition, he should have been in the bed, not near it, and they should have been doing something other than teaching him how to chu if he was that bad off.

Nonetheless, I am glad he was able to inform you of the deposit, and you have verified its existence.

This money was been deposited for my social security and for fruitful international investment.That is why I need you to keep this transaction highly confidential and trustworthy person who will assist me to receive this money overseas for investment establishment purpose indurities and lucratives profitable ventures.

Hey, I am all over those indurities and lucratives. Seriously.

Do not, I repeat, do not invest in proclivities or monstrosities. They are not moving right now. Best to invest your money in my base.

I want you to send your full name so that I will go and submit it to the bank and I will officially make you my foreign partner and the bank here will endorse it and transfer the money to your bank account and I will appreciate it if you send me your direct phone number for easy communication.

Wow. Things are sure easy to get done there on the Ivory Coast. (By the way, is that where they make that floating soap?) I swear, if all I did was submit a name e-mailed to me and ask for $6.5 Million Dollars to be transferred, they would take me a way in a tight, backward bathrobe sitting in the front seat of the short bus to Loony Land.

But if you say so.

My full name is Terrence Kloth Boxers

Thanks and anticipating to hear from you immediately you recieve this mail.

It's "receive." Remember the rule: "I before E except after C, and in worlds with neighbors in the way."


God bless. Please you can reach me through my private e_mail address

Wow, yet another e-mail address. You get around. (wink, wink)

Yours Faithfully.
Nina Douala.

Please, the faithfully is all mine. Talk to you soon, when I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.

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Friday, May 8, 2009

Looking for Fun,Travel and Good Times.

The original scam letter

From: Ludmyla <>
Subject: Looking for Fun,Travel and Good Times.
To: <A long list of recipients, alphabetically arranged>
Date: Friday, May 8, 2009, 5:16 AM

My dear friend

Love is the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notion of time; effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end.

Wow, that was just beautiful, I think. I'm not much of a deep thinker, but that sounded -- I don't know -- poetic? It sounds like you have a very big heart, and I don't mean like the enlarged heart medical problem.

Did you write that? You're deep.

Website: *******/ (edited)

I am beautiful, harmonious, very sexual, kind, cheerful person. I love children very much. Good company, kind people, animals and the nature are important to me. Very much I like to travel, learn new, to visit historical places, especially I love exotic places.

I visited your website. Wow you're like a model -- And I don't mean like in the miniature scale reproduction sense, rather like one of those pretty women that gets used by large companies to sell things like tools, batteries, cars, cigarettes and other stuff that one would not ordinarily associate with procreation.

By the way -- and I think I speak for most men -- the "beautiful, harmonious, very sexual" items are all pros, but the "I love children very much" and the "animals and the nature" comments might be cons. I dunno, maybe it's just me.

Also I like very much to sing, dance, float, go under a sail, I like to drive the car, I love speed, at the same time with pleasure I will drive on a bicycle, flied on a hang-glider.

Oh my gosh. You like to float? I haven't found a girl who liked to float since I broke up with my girlfriend Linda back in the 70s.

She hated pea soup, by the way. It always came up.

And, being an avid water sports kind of guy (when I'm not watching reality shows at 2am on MTV, of course) I like to go under a sail, too. Nothing beats the ol' going under a sail!

We have a lot in common, you and me. And I don't mean common in the homely people sense.

I, too, have been known to, on occasion, drive on a bicycle or two, but usually when backing out of a driveway without checking behind my truck first. You're the first girl I have ever heard of that actually likes that. Maybe me and you could do that together sometime.

I don't want to screw up our relationship, but I have to admit I have never flied on a hang-glider. Flieding makes me a little nervous.

I love rather an extreme.

I know what you mean. Me, too.

I am very friendly person, love dialogue, not the disputed person.

Well, I notice from your picture that you would be a very good mother to any infant (or two, if not more), so really, between you and me, the friendly dialogue thing is not the priority.

I am not the disputed person, either.


I love and be able is tasty to prepare dishes of any kitchen of the world.

So, you make nice crockery? Can you fashion steins like the ones in Oktoberfest in Germany?

I like beer a lot.

By the way very much I love flowers, gifts with all the heart, attention and pleasant surprises!

You love flowers. Well, there's my big surprise for the day... an attractive women who likes flowers.

I'm just kidding.

I do that a lot.

Well, I have a pleasant surprise for you: I would like to marry you, and if you want, I will send you $10,000 to get your affairs in order and buy a plane ticket over to my house in the Mojave area of California. The climate here is always the same. You will love it.

Can I trust you?

So long

Wow... that was quick. Over before it began.

I'm shocked, and I'm hurt.

Well, it was nice while it lasted. Thanks for thinking of me, and so long to you, too.

I will miss you. And not like the throwing a rock but not hitting you sense.

Always here, eating Cheetos,

Brian (not to be confused with brain).

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009


(Seriously! That was the Subject of the e-mail I got)

The Original Scam Letter

Subject: ªÑ²¼¥æ³Î¥N¹Ô´Ú
Date: May 10, 2009 2:42:36 PM PDT



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Man! You eat with that mouth?

Ha! It's just a joke... see, there was a typo in the first paragraph, and it kind of changed the meaning of... um... well never mind... back to what you were saying...

Look, first of all, I agree with everything you said. Better than I could have said myself.


But just to make sure we are on the same page, when you said "¶r«æªA°È±M½u¢¯¢¸¢²¢·¡Ð¢±¢¸¢·¡Ð¢¯¢³¢¸(24H)" you seem to be suggesting that it all boils down to 24H, but my friend Bob was thinking there might be an error in your calculations.

Get back to me on that, won't you, so we can move ahead.

And here's the answer to your test question: A tall glass, two scoops of vanilla ice cream, some root beer and an elephant!

Did I get it right?

Waiting to hear back,

Poindexter Wizzard

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