Thursday, October 30, 2008

Private and Confidential

The Original Scam Letter:

I am Mrs. Kate Solomon now undergoing medical treatment for cancer. I am married to Dr. Peter Solomon who worked with South Africa embassy in Malaysia for nine years before he died in the year 2006.

Before my Husband died, we both make a deposit of a total sum $7.6M in a Finance Company in South Africa. Recently, my Doctor told me that I few month to live due to cancer problem. Having known my condition I have decided to donate this fund to a honest Person.

My Attorney will issue you a Letter of Authority from Court naming you the original Beneficiary of these funds. Please assure me that you will act

accordingly as I stated herein.

Hoping to hear from you.

In His Arms.
Mrs. Kate Solomon

My Response:

Mrs. Kate Solomon,

Look, I think it's a little odd that you are married to someone who has been dead for 2 years, but I don't want to judge.

I am sorry about your cancer problem, and of course I am so sad that you will die.

Now, about that cash...

You know? you are so lucky. You completely found the right Honest Person. I am known for being totally honest all the time. Now, DO NOT tell anyone about this deal we're making. I am 3 months from being out of incarceration (some "perjury" deal, but never mind) and I don't want the government to find out about this. As you know, I am sure, this character Obama will probably be president and he wants to take more taxes from rich people (like I am about to be). We cannot let Mr. Obama know about this. Okay? And remember, I am totally honest, all the time.

I have already talked to my attorney (in nondescript terms, of course) about this "affair" and he says I need some evidence that you are 1) a doctor, 2) a woman and 3) have the money. I think a snapshot of you naked in a hospital with some cash would be proof enough. Do you know how to do e-mail attachments?

Awaiting your response,

Mr. David

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

From Mr Simon Danel

The Original Scam Letter:

My Dear friend,
My name is Mr. Simon Daniel I work with the BAF Bank of Cote D' ivoire as the Regional manager plateau Branch, in the Western Region of Cote d' ivoire.I am 53 years old with three kids. I have packaged a transaction that will be of mutual benefit to us. As the branch manager of BAF Bank of Cote D' ivoire, it is my duty to send a financial report to my head office in the capital city, plateau, at the end of each financial year.

Following the release of the second quarter financial report, ending June 2006, I discovered that my branch made Nine Million, Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars ($9,850,000.00); from the transactions accruing to the account of the Inland Revenue Service (IRS). This was not detected by the renowned auditors from my head office.
I have moved the funds into what the Bank call Escrow Call Account with no beneficiary. Meanwhile as you know I can not be directly connected to this money for obvious reasons. So my contacting you is to assist me receive the funds in your Bank account in your country; which I know is possible if you

liaise properly with me and get 30% of the total funds as your benefit. The transfer would be made via swift and it will be a Bank-to-Bank wired transfer.All I need from you is to stand claim as the original depositor of this fund. I will compute your particulars as the person who made the deposit in my branch, so that my head office will immediately order the transfer to your designated Bank Account. Thanks for your understanding and co-operation.
Yours truly.
Simon Daniel

My Response:

Dear Mr. Danel,

This is very exciting news. I have always wanted to be rich. All I really want is a large swimming pool in my backyard, but I have not been able to put one in because of two things: 1) I never had the money (until now!!!!) and 2) I am a renter.

I have not researched swimming pool prices, but I think that 30% of 9.8 billion dollars will cover most of it.

Please just send me a check now, and we can discuss the details later. I am so glad you were able to find my e-mail address on my website. I am one lucky man.


A Scam Response:

Dear David R. Darrow,

Thanks for your mail and your williness to proceed with me on this affair. I hope we will come to a very Good end in this transaction. I know i have not met with you before and also do not know you on person but i believe i can trust you that was why i have contacted you on this matter. I will want you to call me on this number 00 225 09 61 50 80 so i will let you know more on how we are to proceed on this affair or send to me your own phoen number so i can call you ok. Bye for now i will be expecting to hear from you.
Thanks Yours,
Mr. Simon.


My Response:

Dear Simon Danel,

Do you have a middle initial like I do? I prefer to write to people who I know have a middle name or at least an initial.

Anyway, YOU are thanking ME for my willingness to proceed on this affair? Are you joking? It has been several years since a total stranger has offered me some serious cash like this! I don't know how to figure out how much 30% of $9.8 billion actually is but I am pretty sure it is more than $30,000! That is a LOT of money, and I hope you do not "change the deal." That happened to me once when I was trying to buy a Chevy Nova once, but that's another story.

I am glad you trust me even though you don't really know me. That makes me feel SO good. No one has said something like that to me since I came to prison. I will not let you down. And you had better not let me down, either. I would be mad. And when I lose my temper... (well... let's just say, there's a reason I'm in "the big house.")

You told me to call you on "this number" -- but I can't for 2 reasons:
1) I don't have access to a telephone here, as you might understand
2) You gave me, like, 6 numbers! You didn't tell me which one I should call you on! I can't afford to call all 6 of them! (and I am really suspicious of that first number "00" -- is that a real number? My cellmate is a mathematician and says "00 ain't nuthin'" -- Who do I trust?)

Of course I don't have a phone number here. We will have to work out some other means of communication and delivery. I would like to get the cash soon. Some of the other guys here get secret stuff delivered inside a cake or body cavity. So there are options.

I had just enough time to visit your website. It's really cool, but I couldn't read anything there. Well... I have to go back to "solitary" so I won't be able to get your e-mails until tomorrow. Good luck, take it easy, and as they say in The Islands: Kawabunga.

'Thanks Yours,' too, and Caio.

Mr. David R. Darrow

PS -- I will be out in 9 months, so I hope I can get the dough by then and build that pool!!! This is so lucky. I am standing beside myself with joy. My wife will love it. Oh, and please don't tell her about our affair. She watches Oprah, and doesn't trust men at all, now.

If you'd like to be notified by e-mail when a new Scam and Eggs post arrives, please subscribe to my Scam and Eggs newsletter. It's free and confidential. And there are other newsletters (art-related) that you may be interested in.