Thursday, November 6, 2008

Beloved

The Scam Letter:



From: sagechickadee@cox.net
Date: November 6, 2008 8:20:35 AM PST
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Beloved
Reply-To: paula_hamilton001@hotmail.com


Beloved,
My name is Paula Hamilton. I was married to the Late Dr. Edward Hamilton before he died on February 2nd 2005 after a brief illness.

According to my Late Husband, “Life is a misery and nobody can tell what can be of it; those that can tell what can be of it are those who cannot tell us because they are far from us (Dead)”.

Before the painful death of my Late Husband, he worked with the American Embassy in Malaysia for Nine Years before he retired and went into full time Ministry.

Before I begin my story, it is important that I let you know who my Late Husband was by stating vividly his philosophy of life “Life is worth living only if lived to the service of mankind and you can only make a living by what you earn, but you make life by what you give.”

To start my story, I was married to my Late Husband for Fifteen Years without a Child and since his death I decided not to re-marry, this is basically my own decision to honor him for the love we shared and the life we lived together.

Before the death of my Husband, we made something out of life and this I have decided to use in setting up a Charity Organization in Honor of my Late Husband.

The sum of Nine Million, Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (USD. 9.2 Mil) is presently in a Custody of an accredited Finance Company in United Kingdom. This amount of money was deposited by my Late Husband in 2004 and we both agreed to use these funds to propagate the Work of God.

Earlier this Month I was diagnosed of Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML) and my Doctor has told me that I would not last for the next 6 Months due to damage this cancer has done to my system.

Having known my condition, I have decided to entrust this funds to a Honest Individual who will utilize this money in the manner at which the funds are meant for. Once I have received your response to this mail, I shall direct you to contact my Doctor for further clarifications and possible advice. Documents naming you the original Beneficiary of these funds will be sent to you as we are proceeding further in this matter.

Beloved, I choose this means to locate you because I am sure that I will be lead to the kind of person that will be totally honest with me. Due to my health condition, delay in your reply will not be of any benefit to me and this will propel me to search for someone else. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I have stated above.

Please reply me via email: paula_hamilton001@hotmail.com.

In His Arms.

Mrs. Paula Hamilton.


My Response




Dear Mrs. Late Hamilton,

May I call you Paula? I am so used to calling benefactors by their first names. By now you must know that I am known for being a very Honest Person, and, as a result, the Beneficiary of many such donations and grant transfers. To be perfectly honest, I think this must have more to do with my reputation as a portrait painter than my Work for God.

It wouldn't be fair to proceed in this matter without letting you know that it is likely I will not use all the money for the Work of God as you seem to be requesting, and will probably spend about 17% of it on frivolous vices, such as video entertainment systems, foods that contain trans fats, jewelry for my lady friends, and strong drink. Even such a Good Steward as I am has to be able to kick back and have a little fun once in a while.

What concerns me, though, is the reputation and pessimistic outlook of the Late Dr. Edward Hamilton, to whom you were married. First of all, did he have some known issues with punctuality, or was the title 'Late' granted to him posthumously due to his not showingg up for meetings after his death? And that first quote of his about life being a misery, well... that kind of thinking just throws garlic in my punchbowl, really. In the words of a Once-Disabled-American Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You just never know what you're going to get. And everyone puts the cherry ones back," or something like that.

I find great hope in his words.

But anyway, I am sorry about your cancer thing. CML must be bad for you. In America we have a cigarette brand that is CAMEL, and it's bad for you, too.

Bottom line: if you're comfortable with me splitting up the $9,200,000 with 83% (or $7,636,000) toward the Work of God and the remaining 17% ($1,564,000) going toward my somewhat self-absorbed lifestyle, I would like to proceed.

And by the way, if by some miracle you make it out of CML alive, I am a bachelor.

Awaiting your decision,

-- Punctual David

PS -- You closed with "In His Arms" and I am wondering if you already have a new suitor, or if you're talking about the Late Doctor again. Please elucidate.

If you'd like to be notified by e-mail when a new Scam and Eggs post arrives, please subscribe to my Scam and Eggs newsletter. It's free and confidential. And there are other newsletters (art-related) that you may be interested in.

2 comments:

  1. I've been getting these. I'm just curious..did she respond? LOL

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to post a helpful comment.

But, please do not post the full content of similar e-mails you have received. It is appreciated, however, if you post a comment with the name, e-mail and company/address of similar spammers. Thank you!

(Posting full texts of e-mail you receive doesn't help with Google searches, since comments are not included in Google indexes.) If you post the whole e-mail, it will just be deleted when I get around to it. Thanks.

Including links that are not supportive of the content of the post will likely get your comment removed. Spamming will be deleted and reported.