Saturday, November 15, 2008

Project of Immense Benefit

The Original Scam letter


Hello,

Please, kindly take your time to understand the content of this email.

I wish to introduce you to a project that would be of immense benefit to both of us. Being an executor of wills, it is possible that we may be tempted to make fortune out of our client's situations, when we cannot help it, or left with no better option.

The issue I am presenting to you is a case of my client who willed a fortune to his next-of-kin. It was most unfortunate that he and his next-of-kin died on the same day in an auto-crash. I am now faced with indecision about who to pass the fortune to. According to the English law, the fortune is supposed to be queathed to the government.

However, I don't belong to that school of thought which proposes that the fortune of unlucky people be given to the government. I therefore seek for your assistance in presenting you as next of Kin to the deceased being that you share the same last name with the deceased.

Please give your response to this email via return email. I will reveal other details upon your response to this email and as soon as we establish correspondance.

Reward is negotiable.

Yours in Service

Ambrose Hartman Esq.
Attorney At Law

My Response



Dear Ambrose,

First of all, I beg your forgiveness if my salutation appears in the least gender-insensitive or offensively less formal than that to which you are accustomed as it is my habit to begin such important correspondence with -- using your name as an example -- Dear Ms. Hartman or Dear Mr. Hartman but I cannot tell for sure to which gender you belong, and to surmise such from your name alone leaves some ambiguity with which to grapple, namely because, for a male, Ambrose is a decidedly sissy name in my culture, suggesting that, if male is your gender, you might likely have been the recipient of peer abuse as a child, which would explain your propensity for choosing Law as a profession, in my estimation. Additionally, Hartman does have man in it, which suggests a designated or presumed gender, but still affords some measure of confusion. Perhaps you might clear up the confusion in future correspondence by including a photo of yourself in swimwear or undergarments.

That having been stated, I must say that the details of this matter are, indeed, intriguing, but of course, hinge on the nature of what you mean by "auto-crash" (which suggests something predetermined and set into motion through some programmed mechanism and not manually-constructed, either of which have the distinct odor of murder about them)... with the remaining factor facilitating my involvement being the actual sum of said "fortune." As you know, I am an American, and it has recently been established in political circles that a "fortune" is $250,000 USD or more.

But, as we say over here: You have my attention!

And before I go on, may I tell you what a pleasure it is to receive correspondence from someone with such a remarkable command of the English language and our idiosyncratic grammatical nuances which, I must say, you have handled deftly, save one peculiarity in which you stated I am now faced with indecision about who to pass the fortune to but which might have been rendered better I am now faced with indecision about to whom to pass the fortune.

These are mere details, I realize, but I am trying to help. It is critical that all future correspondence be of the highest standards if I am to assist you in your project, and due diligence on your part is naturally a prerequisite to successful partnership with me in this Immense Benefit Project.

I will not question your assessment of this situation you describe as being 'unlucky' although the mere mention of the term denotes superstition in fairly uncertain terms. You must understand that here in America there is a segment of the population that occupies a large portion of our motherland, idiomatically known as The South for whom 'dying at the same moment as next-of-kin' would almost be a certainty since in many cases they are at once next-of-kin and spouse.

I know. Unpleasant to consider.

I can only conclude that the School of Thought to which you belong is an overseas Annex of the School of Thought to which I belong, as we are in agreement -- however we may each define "luck" -- that the fortunes of any deceased persons or partnerships in which identities can easily be manipulated and exchanged by those with degrees in matters of Law should indeed never fall into the hands of corrupt governments, but should rather clearly and irrevocably fall into the hands of corrupt but well-intentioned entrepreneurs such as you and me.

It is, therefore, with my full and untethered cooperation and agreement that you use my name in place of the next-of-kin in this Project of Immense Benefit. Please forward any forms for me to sign, via e-mail, at this same address so that we might proceed post haste.

If not sooner.

Eagerly,

Phil T. Rich,
CEO Munni, Grubber and Skumm

If you'd like to be notified by e-mail when a new Scam and Eggs post arrives, please subscribe to my Scam and Eggs newsletter. It's free and confidential. And there are other newsletters (art-related) that you may be interested in.

4 comments:

  1. Too bad you you can't hear me laughing out loud!

    ReplyDelete
  2. David, This is so funny! Annie turned me on to your blog. Thanks for adding a little humor into my day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very entertaining. Having written all that you wonder what the reaction is when they read it.

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to post a helpful comment.

But, please do not post the full content of similar e-mails you have received. It is appreciated, however, if you post a comment with the name, e-mail and company/address of similar spammers. Thank you!

(Posting full texts of e-mail you receive doesn't help with Google searches, since comments are not included in Google indexes.) If you post the whole e-mail, it will just be deleted when I get around to it. Thanks.

Including links that are not supportive of the content of the post will likely get your comment removed. Spamming will be deleted and reported.